Sunday, 24 September 2017

High-low hair, clothes to greet autumn, and big thanks

Excellent - time for another blog post, the best procrastination around! Especially when I fiddle faddle with my photos. Like this:


Autumn is officially here in this hemisphere. And I know that elsewhere, you're breathing a huge sigh of relief now that you've hit summer weather. 

I'm particularly happy to see this autumn, having not been blown up by men with big toys. Aren't you? (Oops, did I just write that?)

If you've been wanting to wear something outrageous and been too afraid, now is the time to put it on and fill yourself and the world with positive energy.


Below, a close-up. Except for this fabulous hand-made scarf by Sevya, which Sherry of Petite Over 40 gave me, these are all things you've seen before, worn in a different combination.

The coat laces up the back corset-style and dips low. Plum, purple, eggplant, aubergine. What's not to love? And that's an old striped dress/tunic and my Rip Curl pants from My Sister's Closet, where I find so many of my treasures. Finally, my magic loupe by O.


Really, the whole thing is so over-the-top that your eye starts to see it as neutral, don't you think? I definitely walk with mega-'tude when I wear this. And I swung around my toolbox hand bag from O, not shown here, like I was somewhere far more glamourous than on my way to the supermarket in search of frozen corn.

For example, in this outfit I imagine hunching over a huge glass desk in the loft of my converted monastery, writing psychedelic poetry or a pop opera called, say, Menopausoff, with a quill pen, with a purring black cat on my lap, my manuscript illuminated by a battery- or solar-powered candle. Modern concessions. Lots of treats are on hand as well, for me and kitty.


And a HAIR TRICK.

The photo below was taken by the very talented Vancouver Barbara when we went to the Rennie Collection in Chinatown for a tour of Bob Rennie's works by Ian Wallace, a renowned local photo/conceptual artist, a genre Vancouver is famous for. It's exactly the kind of intellectual art that constipated me for several decades after I studied it.

There was a faded candid Polaroid of the artist sleeping called Artist at Work. "Genius," everyone enthuses. "$$$!" the artist enthuses. Hahaha. Of course, it's the historical context of its invention that makes his work endure, as is the case with much art. 

And, yeah, good on him for making a self-admitted throwaway a collectors' item. How can I do that? Anyone interested in my old sweatsocks? If I call it art, will it be so? 

Uh-oh, I need my journal for some Kitty/Turnip Head sketching to cleanse myself of such thoughts. But I enjoyed revisiting my past and debriefing at The Sylvia with Barbara after the tour.

Note the short hair? Haircut by O. He's so good at it! 


Barbara's direction to me at the gallery was, go sit on the those stairs and look sad. I did, and a couple more looked really, really sad, yes, tragic even. And we of course burst out laughing between shots, oh so unladylike!

And what's that on my legs? Beige?!! I was readying my black tux pants when suddenly I thought, gaaa, too much black, and grabbed these: Missoni, perfect fit, knit, with cuffs, also from My Sister's Closet. They were perfect with this brown Pierre Cardin tie, Windsor-knotted, and my velvet blazer.
My first run-in with these pants was HERE, a post called "Clothes the Colour of Porridge."
My hair looks really short up there, right? But below is that same short cut styled into peaks. Who would have guessed? O cut it so I could wear it both pixie and foppish. I love being able to play with these divergent looks.


In other news - 

Sherry interviewed O by email and wrote an amazing post on his art and magic loupe, HERE. Her writing is truly professional and expresses his views so well. Her generous support of his art is amazing. And she's got fantastic style. I LOVE that red lipstick!


And another huge hug is in order for Sylvia of 40+ Style, who put up an Instagram post on the stainless steel/synthetic ruby ring she bought from O.  Thank you so much for including it in a movie clip on your Instagram, below.

If you want a loupe or ring like these, head over to O's Etsy shop, FineMetalworkStudio.


I'll link up with Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style (with her cast off!), and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. I'll bring the drinks. Patti will sing.

And that's it for another week. Stay clean. Stay fed and watered. Stay happily clothed whenever possible. And most of all, stay positive. I'm doing my best here.



Sunday, 17 September 2017

How to be in Vogue and not know it

Sequins for lunch? Of course. Although to be accurate, these are really paillettes, which sit at the apex of Sparkledom. And then I like to add a little toolbox hand bag chaser. Quite satisfactory.


This week, having linked up all my interviews with Margaret of Sixty & Me and Elaine of MaturePreneurial, I decided I should update my Press page HERE, so I went rummaging online, which I haven't done in a long time, to see if I've missed anything I should add. 

Gaaa! - big surprise!
asdlkjao iapo iapri ar aoiaitp UT 9ITU ALKJLKJ LJ lj lkj okesjaogija[oijaroiuaeiaoai oaij aori[ ru ari reijrijroij aj ia[[a9u09utm09um[09eum[09eum[q09umq09

And a stark reminder of how the web never sleeps. 

Unbeknownst to me, I have been leaking all over the place, mostly into posts about "old" Instagrammers and bloggers or "women ten years over half a century," aunts, grandmas, seniors, and the aged - in a good way I guess, right? Right? (often Google translations)

Overall, I was 1) shocked, 2) flattered, and 3) delighted to find myself in the fantasy titles of my youth: Vogue (Korea), Elle (Serbia), Cosmo (China), Marie Claire (Hong Kong), as well as other big-timey sites in Hungary, Mexico, Vietnam, Ukraine, Russia, Spain, Portugal, Brazil, Czech Republic, Thailand, Indonesia, Netherlands, Australia, US, Romania, Estonia, Japan, UK - I think that's all. 

Starrett toolbox hand bag from O's height gauge with my big, side-button, high-waisted palazzo pants

Try and picture it, me slouched over my laptop, slurping my room-temp decaf, dressed in my slobblish oversized pants and a men's button-down, scrolling, then suddenly spewing decaf, my eyes like pie plates. 
"O, guess what? I'm in Vogue?! Gaaa!" He raised an eyebrow (sign of being impressed).
Many of the posts were a couple of months old so it felt a bit like winning gold after the original medalist is busted for doping. No podium moment for me! Heh. Unless you count my red carpet walk in the concrete box wearing this fabulous paillette jacket from eco thrift boutique My Sister's Closet.


What I liked was I got into those sites not as a model but as who I am, me, Mel, and the photos I took in the concrete box were up there alongside big name bloggers with pro photographers. That made all my bungling that much more satisfying.
Definitely, time for a real drink, coffee with caffeine, and raisin toast.
But the big revelation is that none of this has had a direct impact on my life, except I was jittery for hours and will have to buy more raisin bread. Sure, my Instagram followers have been going up, but I haven't known why. And all along I've had sponsorship offers, almost all of which I ignore or decline because they don't fit with my style/vibe.

Demonstrating the latest trend of having your tag sticking out. Awesome corset t-shirt from Shelley, Forest City Fashionista, with my uni-suspender. I love the lighting I get with this black velvet backdrop.

So my conclusion is: what matters to me is the real-life stuff, enjoying the company of friends, many met via blogging, and being receptive to new experiences. For example, last night I went to a Fluevog cocktail party for Silver Foxes and Vixens  - how cool is that?! The store was debuting its new season of shoes and I got to chat with John Fluevog himself. And next week I'll attend a Vancouver Fashion Week gala, invited by a friend. Sometimes I get asked because I have a street style blog, but I could probably wangle an invite without it.

These online discoveries have also underscored the reason I'm on social media at all:
To grab the most I can out of what my closet and imagination have to offer and to share that good feeling with people who share back. I love that loop of positivity. 
That's what the Freakish Yellow Skirt was about. Remember her? (see paragraph at end of post for brief update)


My blog is where I get to do a big show-and-tell of all my little projects and Turnip Head and musings about the absurdities of life and of course my outfits, like that sweet tiger zip jumpsuit with matching quilted skirt, for example. In.love.with.it. A gracious gift from Pao of Project Minima, whose Mum used to rock it.

Of course, if Madam Big-Time Producer called me on my Bat Phone and said breathlessly -
Mel, my Lear Jet is in the no-parking zone of your building waiting for you. I need you here PDQ (NY or London, Berlin, Paris) to host our new show Farknation!
- I would oblige. It's the polite thing to do. Heh. Wearing these stripes and honkin' huge earrings, I'm ready to go!


It's all part of the fantasy: blogging, dressing up, going to galas. I'll take them where I can get them.
Fantasy and styling are not escapes from reality; they are the armour and strength that help me deal with it and shape it to my liking. (mel said)
Sometimes I wish I were born with more business genes, so I could squeeze more from the things thrown my way, but I y'am what I y'am. Or maybe an assistant would help.

But that only happens in Farknation. 

In Farknation, there's a parking space for jets on the street and my umbrella, below, is a riding helmet.

I was feeling very Horse & Hound in this outfit. Tally-ho. Or this is what I would wear to walk the corgis. I'd just need a kerchief and an HRH or HM in front of my name to bring this fantasy to life.

I hope all of you have had a lovely week and are enjoying your own fantasies, played-out or not. I'm going to link with Patti at Visible Monday on her blog Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike on her blog Not Dressed as Lamb. I'll see you there?

FREAKISH YELLOW SKIRT UPDATE:
FYS is back in Vancouver after almost getting stranded. I have to recover from that before/if she goes out again. It's nerve-wracking being the caretaker of FYS because so many women have a stake in her well-being. She has put on weight since I saw her last with all the awesome embellishments that have been added. I'll do a post about it sometime soon.


Monday, 11 September 2017

Classic velvet blazer for total drama

My hair may soon need scaffolding; it's starting to collapse under its own weight. But I like the big curl off the forehead, which reminds me of Brit actors as brooding uniformed school boys or gentlemen in period dramas, or poets, framed always by huge windows or great gnarled trees in emerald forests of romance and intrigue.


I'm wearing my fave velvet blazer by Triple Five Soul, featuring raw edges, satin tuxedo striping down the arms, and surgeon's cuffs, which means the cuffs have functioning buttons so you can turn them up for, uh, surgery, so you don't gore up your sleeves. Excellent!

This means I can fearlessly deep-dive into barbeque chips and bar snackies, and not worry about reckless dragging through ketchup and coffee.

I tied my vintage tie in a Full Windsor knot (instructions here if needed), which is fatter than a regular knot, and made the front stubby and the tail long enough to hang below my buttoned blazer. And that's a men's wrinkled white shirt.

The men's belt is thrifted, the kind of soft leather hard to find in retail stores these days. The brand is Josef, made in Canada, mint condition. The silver medallion buckle is what caught my eye (closer view here). 
TIP: Always check out the men's belt section in thrift shops. Not usually as elaborate as women's belts, men's belts can easily be resized with a leather punch.
And my button-fly, low-rider jeans by Bardot of Australia, purchased a few years ago at a sample sale. The legs are super skinny. 

Below, detail of the subtle asymmetrical embroidery on the back of the jacket. 


I know I said that my hair reminded me of a Brit actor/poet, but I also got a strong rockstar vibe with this outfit. The heeled ankle boots added a sense of being in control, literally "on top of it." And I layered my Poe almost-black lipstick over my standard red.


On my Instagram I also said that this outfit makes me feel like a low-rider car with flames painted on it. At each red traffic light I would start hopping, loudly and awkwardly, startling all the pedestrians.

So there you have it: school boy/gentleman/poet, rock star, low rider. Which vibe do you see here? Or something completely different perhaps? I like that there is no one feeling but a whole playhouse of characters.

And just so you know I haven't gone all dark in my clothing, I wore this outfit below, with slicked back hair, which I have previously referred to as "tidy Kim Novak hair" but not for this outfit. And I piled on the jewels.


I like wearing many necklaces at a time, but dislike: 1) the bother of fiddly clasps, and 2) the jangling sound they make. 

To fix the first problem I got two pieces of blue ribbon and tied on the smaller necklaces, threading one ribbon through the jump rings and the other ribbon through the clasps, transforming the whole mess into a single longer necklace easily thrown over my head. I tie it at the back so I can adjust the overall length.

To address the second jangling problem, clearly I have to become a Russian folk dancer, like HERE


Finally, all five my interview episodes with Margaret Manning of Sixty and Me are open. I wrote about it in the previous post but when I published only one was up. Today, because my main outfit features black and white, I thought I'd highlight this one. 

Fashion Over 50: Exploring the Power of Simple Black, White and Grey
Mel Kobayashi 

Plus, I want to get the most mileage from the clothing explosion that happened while setting up my demo pieces. O was very stoic about the whole thing. In the end, I only had time to use about 20% of what I had out. And I forgot to say my most important points - I got carried away. What a surprise! Hahaha.


The links to the other episodes are here:
  1. I Love Floral Tights! Why Fashion After 60 is About Wearing What Makes You Happy
  2. Forget What Other People Think and Express Your Eccentricities
  3. The Art of Walking Like a Movie Star
  4. Vintage Clothing is Back for Women Over 50: Embrace the Past and Create Amazing Style
And I can't end this post without saying I'm linking up with Patti at Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style - I have been worrying about her family in Florida all week. And I'm linking up with Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb.

That's it for now. I hope you are all safe!! - my thought for the week. The autumn chill is coming here and I like it.


Saturday, 2 September 2017

I wore fake Audrey Hepburn for my big Skype interview

Me:  "You want me to what? With my WHAT?! I don't think so! This movie is supposed to be family entertainment. And isn't Fred (Astaire) a bit old for that kind of thing - even with the miracles of modern medicine? 

Them: garble garble garble.

Me: I don't care if Miz Bagg Productions has him locked into a three-lifetimes' contract! If you expect me to perform this dreck, you have another thing coming!

Just another day at the studio. Heh.

You want me to do what? With my WHAT?!

That's when I stormed off to the stairwell to cool down and do some serious editing on my lines.

"Where's my PA!? Get me Patti, she'll fix it! Must I rewrite the whole script myself?!" You wouldn't believe my PA - I told her I needed a trailer on set and what did she do? She brought me a trailer lunch-bag hand bag instead. Can you believe it? Only in a Miz Bagg production!

Editing my script. Who writes this trash?

Out, out, out, no, no, no. Another red marker bites the dust. Luckily, I know that a script can always be saved with the addition of a good yachting scene.

I am rehearsing during every spare moment - hiking off door knobs in the cafe, and railings in the library and stairwell. And practising my lines.

EXT. YACHT - DAY
MEL
(screaming sexily over high winds)
Oh, Roddy! Nobody does a tacky jibe better than you!! Toss me another bologna sandwich, then meet me in the saloon for a Russian mule and cake!!
Mel scoops fish out of water with her free hand, turns to camera, winks, then falls into water.  Roddy's arms!!!

At least I got Astaire replaced. His tap shoes were not only giving me a huge headache, but they were wrecking the deck.

Practising my hiking with the stairwell railing, for my yacht scene

It's funny how one single photo can set a whole production into motion, like the shot below. It reminded me of Audrey Hepburn in the 1957 movie Funny Face. She was 28 in that picture and her love interest, Fred Astaire, was 58. It happens. But reeeeally - Mr. Astaire? Out of all Hollywood?

What's even more shocking is that I am approaching Mr. Astaire's age but I still identify more with Ms. Hepburn. Would I do a film with a male love interest who's only 28? Hm, let me think about it.

Adding to the vibe was the winged eyeliner, which got there from a mascara incident on one eye, which I tried to replicate on the other rather than starting over. Just going with the flow.

Feeling impish like Amélie or Audrey Hepburn

I had a Skype interview that morning with Margaret Manning of Sixty & Me. I am not 60. I am still in my very mid-50s, and when I told Margaret, she still wanted to interview me, plus I liked the topics she had lined up. The first episode (of five in total) went up today, HERE. It's called:

The simple late-'50s-style jazz club outfit of black capris, top, and flat ankle-wrap sandals was perfect for throwing demo clothing on top during our talk - although at the time I was barefoot.

THANK YOU, SIXTY & ME, 
for having me on your show. 
Stay tuned for more episodes. 
EDIT:
Margaret has posted some of the other episodes now too. I'll keep updating the list here.
  1. I Love Floral Tights! Why Fashion After 60 is About Wearing What Makes You Happy
  2. Forget What Other People Think and Express Your Eccentricities
  3. The Art of Walking Like a Movie Star
  4. The Power of Black, White, and Grey
  5. Vintage Clothing is Back for Women Over 50: Embrace the Past and Create Amazing Style
If you're wondering why I am looking up during the talk, it's because I use a big monitor above my webcam. Next time I'll fix that.

I have to say, after my previous podcast interview with Elaine of MaturePreneurial, HERE, which I posted on HERE, I thought I had learned from my mistakes. [insert cosmic guffaw here] Geez, with all these risks I'm taking with pods and Skypes, according to life gurus I should be on the superhighway to enlightenment by now. Pfffft. My GPS is busted for sure.

Bird understands me well

I'm linking up to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for her ever-fabulous Visible Monday, and Catherine at her inimitable #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb when the time comes.

That's all for this week. Got any scripts lately you want to rewrite?! CUT!! Did you ever think Fred Astaire was sexy?

Hugs to all.


Wednesday, 30 August 2017

What to wear for yoga and shopping

THIS is what you should wear to yoga: a third eye timepiece, assorted starched jeans on your head, braids, three heads on your torso and hands for feet because in yoga they like all that contortion-y stuff.


I've been doing collages and farking around with them with pencil crayons. Feels so good. But below is one thing I wore this week, a brand-spanking-new-to-me kimono-style robe, courtesy of Suzanne. Are we allowed to say spanking? Yer darn-tootin'! You have to check out Suzanne's Etsy shop, VintageBySuzanne, if you haven't already. She is sooo good.

Note the expert squinching.


And those paisley-ish pants are cotton, thrifted of course, plus D&G velveteen-rabbit shoes, and my farked T-shirt saying Middle-aged Kitteh. Meow. Grrr.

I drew this Turnip Head a while ago, but Kitty seems to be wearing a robe similar to my new one so I wanted to share. The sleeves on mine are just like that. Kitty says, "Sweets for everyone!" Yes, I NEED SWEETS.


And another montage farkorama below for good measure, since I'm friggin' late for everything online this week and the booze at Patti's Visible Monday is gone. Pfff. As it is, I'm just scraping the barrel with Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb, #iwillwearwhatilike

[Edit: I also posted this on Catherine's #SaturdayShareLinkUp. Kitty wanted to join. Heh. It's nice sometimes to be able to link up a non-outfit post.]

This sketch shows you what to wear for shopping. NO, in fact, it's just what it is. Nothing to do with clothes WHATSOEVER. Maybe sunglasses though. 


I like the "pet." It's a cross between a Tribble from Star Trek and Thing from The Addam's Family. Importantly, it is wearing shoes. And I like the woman's handbag, and Kitty's Secret Knock club.

So it's a short post this week. Seriously, here I am wearing THIS and here I am wearing THAT, I needed a break. Me me me do ray la ti dah. It's a song.

I hope you are all well, surviving your weather and evading hideousness in all its forms, unless it's the good kind of hideousness. 

See you again soon!!


Monday, 21 August 2017

What to wear in a stairwell

Think outside the box? 
I think not!

Wearing: Calvin Klein linen dress with very long ties - Sandra of @standard.deviations pointed it out to me years ago at Value Village - and knee-high Converse runners with cheaty rear zips and lunch-bag hand bag, both from My Sister's Closet. Plus magic loupe and ring from O, of course.

Donna Quixote battles a wall in knee-high sneakers. 
No sword, but she has a fabulous trailer lunch-box hand bag.

Most of my photos are in the box. I am in the box. My brain is in the box. 

My imagination is wherever the feck I want it to be. 
Always. 

For example, below it looks like I'm in the box, but in fact I'm driving a classic convertible Bugatti through Monaco. Oh, and there's my yacht on the horizon. Is that Claude in the skiff coming to pick me up? I think it is! I shall wave in my traffic cone dress. I hope O got back from his atelier in time. (Do you see what I see now?)


Those are my red sandals and dress from Talize thrift store, belted this time (unbelted here), and my happy doggy scarf, and sunglasses. Of course, I'm also wearing my magic loupe and ring from O, which you can buy HERE.


Next, when using one's wristwatch teleportation device to travel to Paris for dinner, one must bring a lunch-bag hand bag for unexpected delays. 

My travel wear consists of an NLST "Harem Flightsuit" (here) - how perfect! - my radiation-proof mega honkin' sunglasses, my pseudo-gladiator sandals, in case the teleporter transports me to that gladiator era by mistake, magic loupe and ring for magic, and my lunch-bag hand bag again.


What?! They kicked me off the teleporter! 
I pay extra for First Class molecular handling!! 

Massive delay. And the only things in my lunch bag were inedible, unless you count my lipstick - but only in super-duper emergencies.

Thank goodness I'm in the box so I can set things aright!


Boxes get such a bad rap. 

Kitties love them, and so do I. They play in boxes, hide in boxes, and even poop in boxes - although I don't do that. What geometric shape do you think inside of, outside of? It's a ridiculous question of course.

I'm linking up with Patti's Visible Monday, Not Dead Yet Style, and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed at Lamb. I know I'll see you there! Hugs.

======================================================================

AND OTHER BREAKING NEWS:


Sylvia of 40+ Style has featured me on her blog today, HERE

"Having fun with makeup and hair – A beauty interview with Melanie"

The interview is part of her Beauty series. I had fun answering her questions - it's not a topic I think about much. And there are a few never-before-seen photos of me. Thank you, Sylvia. I owe so much of my confidence to you! Check out the other articles in her series. So good.



 Greetje, of No Fear of Fashion, another favourite blogger, has translated from Dutch to English the piece about me in the Marie Claire Netherlands May print magazine. I've added it to my previous post, HERE, to accompany the original article. Huge hugs to you for doing that!



 My friend Judy has launched a blog - Fancified. She is a madly talented upcycler and crown-maker. Case in point below: a repurposed jacket "hot off the waffle iron." 


You'll have to go to her blog to see all the AMAZING detail. I've featured her before on my street style blog, Culture Serf, HERE. I encourage you to have a look. I know you'll be inspired by her creativity.

That's all!! For now. 

Dang! I keep forgetting to do my flat lays!


Saturday, 12 August 2017

How to pose the RIGHT way. A meetup. And Marie Claire magazine.

There have been lots of posts around lately about blogger fatigue. (See list at the bottom of this post.) To that I say, of course we are sick of blogging, and the reason is clear: simply, we're not doing it right. We're bad posers and we don't wear the right clothes. Fear not - help is on the way!! This week I share with you some excellent posing tips I picked up online.

So yeah, we may hate social media, but it's also our mythical highway to Viral Nirvana - or, in my case, a gravel road shortcut with pot holes, dead-ends, construction, and signs saying "No gas for 10,000 miles," and my favourite, "Treacherous conditions. Does anyone know you are here?" But best not to worry about that. Our GPS says to take the road less travelled and it is never wrong.

WRONG POSE
Below. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I am looking normalish! Bad. This is a prime example of bland, I-can't-believe-I-ate-the-whole-thing-shock, if-I-don't-move-I-will-remember-everything, nothing-going-on-in-there posing. Who wants to see that? I can already hear screamy Frau Farbissina: "NEXT!!!" (She is from the Austin Powers movies, ex. here.)


RIGHT POSE
Get your "squinch" on. I learned about squinching from New York/LA photographer Peter Hurley in his YouTube video, "It's all about the Squinch!" He's great! And he uses exclamation marks. 

He didn't explain it like this, but the trick to a good face is to think about chocolate, plots, and sexy secrets. Think about ways to adapt your leaf-blower into a duster. Think about what's under Fabio's gold lamé shorts. Okay, better not. Think about how fast a train must travel if it leaves point A at 11:00 and needs to arrive at point B at 1:03 if B is 7,031 km away, and will Sarah bring apples?

I know this pose but I always called it something sleuthy or high-noon cowboyie.

Squinching is a squint, but only using your lower lids; your upper lids aren't supposed to move. See? My face is sooo much better now: a face of intrigue, of mystery. It says, yeah, I ate the cheesecake, what are you going to do about it? Viewers will stop and stare, then say, we better get outta here, she's up to no good. Much more fun.

If you go extreme, it can look like you have indigestion, which can happen along that lonely road.


Below I am squinching again. And again, it looks like I've got stuff on my mind: how can I fit in a couple more hours of sleep, that workout really sucked, I have to write another blog post?!

But this photo is not for demonstrating the squinch. It's to show you Hurley's next tip, which he calls, "Hold Your Sub to look slimmer in photographs!" for upper arms. The "Sub" refers to a sub sandwich about 5 feet long. This is really brilliant.

WRONG POSE
Note my upper arms. Simple flesh bags. Nothing wrong with that, but they could be better.


RIGHT POSE
I didn't have any 5-foot subs left in the fridge so I decided to Hold the Broom. Just hold the broom. Okay, frig - I just wanna ride the broom. (It's an old broom and I don't know why it's still in such good condition!?)

Note how my upper arms curve inwards at the top now, looking waaaay more toned than reality. It's the best kind of non-fake fakery. I told you it's a good tip. I think Hurley really meant this pose to be for upper body photography, with the sub off camera, but why limit ourselves? We could all carry our brooms everywhere, look fabulous (at least our arms), stop sweeping our floors (check!), and open a bar called Coven.


In the next photo I am doing dramatic squinching and Holding the Sub Broom. It's like you can read my mind: what do you mean brooms are for sweeping? Are you a doofus?

Hurley has another video called "It's all about the Jaw!" about how to create a defined jaw line, which requires sticking out your neck and chin and putting your forehead forward. In real life it looks ridiculous, but it looks great in photos with young models. When I try it, I get fantastic definition too - of my jowls and string neck.

The amazing photographic 3-D effect of sticking out my neck.

Plus, sticking out a neck with poultry-like tendencies is not a good idea, especially around Thanksgiving. I suspect that doing this pose while standing on my head would be a big help, although I'd have to watch out for bags over (under?) my eyes.

And there you have it. By employing these simple techniques, soon we'll all see tons of traffic on our blogs and sit waving to each other on the backroads to Viral Nirvana. If you get a clean break, be sure to honk as you go by. I'll cluck back.

Stay tuned for Part 2 on how to dress right.

In all seriousness, I love Peter Hurley. He is funny, engaging, and knows how to make people look their best. It's good entertainment and information. Have a look.

AND... A BLOGGER MEETUP!

Carolyn of blog Handmade by Carolyn was in Vancouver from Australia and we local blogger gals rallied. It was like meeting a star! - Carolyn of the handmade clothes, of the handmade shoes, of the handmade boots! Revered sewista of finished seams. She and her husband C had been travelling on the Northwest Coast of Canada and the US and, happy day, they fit in some hours in Vancouver. He took this photo of us.

Left to right: Sveta of blog Sewing Sveta and IG @svetadolsi, Barbara of IG @vancouverbarbara, Sue of blog A Colourful Canvas and IG @acolourfulcanvas, Louisa of blog Damselfly's Delights and IG @damselfly.ca, Carolyn of blog Handmade by Carolyn and IG @handmadebycarolyn, and me.

We played hard in what little time we had, including a trip to some fabric shops and one of my favourite local alleys. I'm putting in this photo below so I have something to link up with Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and Catherine's #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb. More photos are on Carolyn's and Barbara's social media.

It's so cool too that Carolyn was also wearing her loupe from O. We were loupe-de-loupe! See HERE on Barbara's Instagram.

PS During "brunch," we (except Barbara, driving) had grapefruit mimosas and I had bacon and egg porridge with maple syrup, the perfect drink pairing. Interesting.


AND FINALLY,
Some months ago I sent photos to Marie Claire Netherlands for an article they were doing. I was very excited, naturally. And then I heard nothing. I thought they killed the story. Then on Instagram recently, I got a comment from @roosevaels saying she had seen me in there!?

I wrote to MC again and they said, "Yes, so sorry, we forgot to tell you." So I'm in the May print issue of Marie Claire Netherlands, which is happy news. Bwahaha! Along with Sarah Jane Adams @saramaijewels, Lyn Slater of Accidental Icon and @iconaccidental, and Helen Van Winkle of @baddiewinkle. HUGE THANKS to Marie Claire for including me!!!


Because you can't buy the issue now, it's from May, I'm including the piece on me below. In Dutch, I don't know what it says. "She loves smelling stinky running shoes and eating ladybugs!" Don't believe a word of it. (Bacon in my porridge was true, just that one time though.)
EDIT: Greetje of No Fear of Fashion has translated this article. Thank you!


The machine translation said "All that beige and stretch will bump you off." Hahaha. Close.

And that's my report, done. Yippee!! I know, I know, this could have been several posts but I like doing it in one fell swoop. I hope you made it! 

This is not squinching.

And I'm not really done-done - I've been to other great blogger meetups and to an excellent Slow Clothes fashion show, where Vivian, my personal style client, strut the catwalk. She was soooo good, like a younger Vivienne Westwood.

Okay, NOW I'm done!
May your days be filled with hope and good food! Also, I have responded to all your comments from the last several posts. I really enjoyed it. You guys are the BEST!

-------------------------------------------------------
The posts about blogger and/or social media fatigue are here:
Suzanne Carillo: Why Bother Writing? Why I Love To Hate Social Media
Samantha at Fake Fabulous: 5 Reasons I Don't Like Social Media
Shelley at Forest City Fashionista: I've Lost The Will To Blog


Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Social media tutorial, heh

Part 1: How to use Instagram 
My "student" has her new phone, whilst I, Grand Master Supreme, demonstrate my superior IG expertise with my phone.

Me: Okay, and then you click that button there and you should see that. Oh, you don't see it. Well, go back. No, back, back. And click that. Oh, hmm, not THAT, wait, go back. Oh, yeah, this is a good feature, just click there and then you see... Oops. 

Yeah - no! NO! Click NEXT. Wait, your phone doesn't have NEXT and mine does. Why don't you have NEXT? So we'll go back, no, not there, probably it's here somewhere...


Highly productive, highly. At least we had some booze and breakfast and photo-taking, hot booze, the kind that burns going down but looks so innocent, the colour of fruit. 

And we baked on a rooftop, not as in kitchen. The heat was good just the same, although I didn't get golden brown and a toothpick didn't pop out of my head when I was "done," which would be a neat trick.  


Part 2: How to upload photos from a laptop to Instagram
My "student" has her phone and a laptop. I, Grand Master Supreme, have nothing, absolutely nothing, except a few crumbs of toast on my top.

Me: Right, so, if you upload to here you can... No, wait, not to your laptop, let's try your phone. How did you do that? Show me again. Okay, I see it. Great! It's there! (high fives all around) Hm, I forget what's next.

Student: Didn't you say to go here?


Me: RIGHT! Very good. Now, how about you delete some of this stuff here? No, don't. DON'T! Go back, BACK. Okay, good. Where's your thingie? That little box thing... 

Student: You mean the icon?

Me: Jeez, looks like you're full so you can do another account over here then move those to here and delete those and then just upload there and there. Did you write that down? Oh, oops, forget everything I just said.
_______________________________________

The high point was when she clicked on a button that neither of us knew what would happen and it worked. I can't believe how good I am teaching social media! I constantly surprise myself. If you would like to book a tutorial, meet me in the bar. Or find me baking on the roof, chocolate croissants with alligator oven mitts.


I'm throwing a little hibiscus in the mix.
From bark cloth. 
From Hawaii.

Can you hear the ukuleles?
Click HERE to hear the LAVA love song. 
(Thanks, Sue)

I'll link up with Patti at Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style. I'll carry the punch bowl for you this week! In fact, I hope you just put your feet up and enjoy the show. And I'll link up with Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed as Lamb too. 



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